Okay not really, but I was on Tinder, and saw THIS SCREEN.
My initial first thought was "Oh my god, I've been through every single male in New York." Which (doing the quick math/assumption that the male to female ratio is 50:50--which it's not) means I've passed or "approved" through all 4.5 MILLION MEN in New York?!
While my friend later confirmed that she too was seeing this screen, and this is a common Tinder bug, that's not the point. The point is, it got me thinking about what is wrong with Tinder, and what makes people "pass" or "approve" the people they're offered.
For those of you that are just joining 2013, let me inform you on what Tinder is. It's an app that based on your location, helps you find people nearby to meet/casually date/hookup/whatever you want. To set up a profile, you upload the best pics of yourself, choose if you're into men or women, select an age range, and write a tag line about yourself. Relying on anonymity, it allows you to meet a people based solely on their looks, as there is no other real info provided, except their age. If the person likes you back, (but really your pictures) you get a match, and then you can open your messages to begin conversation with them. And while it seems incredibly superficial, and borderline creepy, this app is a big deal, and everyone is on it. If you don't believe me, go on it for 5 seconds, and see everyone from past teachers, to neighbors, to your dreaded ex. While I normally would find this disturbing (HAS ANYONE SEEN AMERICAN PSYCHO?! He could casually bring a chainsaw on the date/be a serial killer) it actually really works. In a city notorious for its difficulty in meeting people, a large number of my girlfriends have been on several successful dates, met some nice guys, and one of them is even in a great relationship, all from Tinder. Essentially, you get to stalk people based on their appearance, in the privacy of your own home. You think they're hot, you click the green heart. Wanna pass? You click the red "x." You get the idea.
While I am not one of those people who has found success, or even been on a tinder date, as I can't quite wrap my head around the whole online dating thing, I do enjoy going on Tinder to see who is on there and who I'm matched with. While this is purely narcissistic and superficial, again, it's anonymous, so don't judge me.
Bottom line, in my extensive creeping, I have definitely noticed some things that catch my eye in the pictures and make me "approve," as well as what turns me off, and makes me "pass." Below are my findings, and what's sad is that you would think most of this is common sense....
-THE DO's and DONT's of TINDER PICTURES-
-Travel pictures. So you look all cultured and shit, and like you leave your apartment, hell the zip code occasionally.
-A picture of you out, showing that you can be social and have a good time.
-Doing something active. Play a sport? Triathlete? Hot.
-You in a tux. Like from a wedding. Girls are suckers for a guy in a tuxedo. Just don't upload one with the bride, not only is that misleading, but stupid.
-YOU AND A DOG. Preferably puppy. Not posed is critical, but playing Frisbee with your golden retriever? Laying on the couch with your bulldog? Game over, I'll see you in 5.
-You at work. Hey, doesn't hurt if we know you're employed right off the bat. You're hardworking, clearly have some business/SOCIAL skills, and I know you can afford to pay for dinner.
Don't-- These are KEY:
-Stand next to someone who is 6'5. It's fine if you're short, we aren't assholes. But it just makes you look bad. I'm sorry, it's one of those harsh facts of life, and girls love their heels. Your height doesn't matter, just don't hurt your chances.
-Pose with a child. I'm not saying don't be a proud parent, and I appreciate how upfront you are from the get-go if it IS your child, but save that bomb for the third date. Cause 1) Why are you exploiting your child? 2) Who goes on Tinder to see baby pics? 3) We don't want no baby mama drama.
**and if it's NOT your child, it doesn't matter, because as I just proved, we assume it is. Otherwise, why would you pose with a child on a DATING SITE?
-Post a picture of you and a girl. I don't care if it's your sister. We assume it's your girlfriend. Why wouldn't we? Which leads to, you're not a one woman man, i.e. player, which leads to a "pass."
-Post only one picture. It's creepy, and makes us think you've never done anything else but that one event in your life where this picture is taken. Not to mention, if you only post one extremely hot picture of yourself, we assume it's just the best photo of you ever taken, and that's not how you actually look in real life. Or on the flip side, if it's only an OK picture, we assume "Wow, if that's your best picture, you are not good looking." So upload more than one, just to provide reinforcement on what you look like, and give us a better idea of what we're getting ourselves into.
-Post the same picture twice, and only have two pictures. Do you HAVE a social life?
-Post only several group shots. We don't know which one you are. Maybe you're intending to deceive us, but regardless we think you don't stand out, and assume you aren't confident/unattractive. Plus, no one cares enough to take the time to cross-reference the pictures and determine who you are. I swipe through people so fast it would make your head spin.
-Blatantly blackout pics. One is fine, cause who doesn't like to party? (If you don't, gross.) But alcoholics aren't welcome.
-SELFIES IN THE MIRROR. (I cannot stress this one enough.) Says so much about you, it's not even worth getting into. Cause if you don't know what a selfie implies/says about someone, you are one of those people, and need to get a life. This is not MySpace, and flashes in the mirror are so 2001.
-Pics where you're pretending you weren't the photographer cause you're "busy" doing whatever thing you're trying to draw attention to in the picture. You obviously took the picture--we weren't born yesterday. Oh you HAPPEN to be posed on the couch "sleeping?" Oh a selfie of you drinking--cause you're cool. Now I assume you have no friends cause you had to take a picture of yourself drinking alone. (and again, alcoholics not welcome.)
-A blatant "this is my sexy look pose." (almost coincides with selfies in the mirror, but slight variation.) Men should never pose, EVER. This is the almost the golden rule. It's the female equivalent of the duck face, and don't even get me started on that. You're supposed to be chopping wood, trading bonds, and drinking beer, and "oh someone happens to catch a picture of you doing said things." Not setting up your own personal photo shoot complete with a pageboy cap and your sexy tie and "smoldering stare."
-Flexing in the mirror in a wife beater. I left Florida for a reason. Or now that I'm in New York, I can say, "there's a reason why I'm never going to the Jersey Shore."
----Fellas, if you know what's good for you, you'll take my advice. It might be harsh, and based on assumptions, but it is genuinely how girls think..and if I do say so myself, if they DON'T think like this, you don't want them anyway ;)